Online dating is tough and sending impressive online dating messages is even tougher! Our society is still tackling the new issues that come up with online dating. Though some people have been online dating for 20+ years, the stigma has only recently gone away. With new mobile apps like Tinder, online dating has been completely redefined from its earliest days.
Tips to strengthen your online dating messages
With the new-found acceptance of online dating, there has been an increase in people who use it—which means there can be a lot of white noise. You want to stand out online without seeming insincere, right? The way you do that is by strengthening your online dating messages. We’ve got some tips for you.
1. Be real
Though this seems incredibly obvious, you might be surprised at how many people try to represent themselves inaccurately online. Being yourself is key because hopefully you are talking to someone that you have the potential to date, or even end up with long-term. Never fabricate in a message online. You don’t want to be caught in a lie. Nothing is less attractive than having to explain yourself later.
2. Be funny, not offensive
If you are sending a message to a person online who you have yet to meet in real life, try to remember that this person does not know your sense of humor. Making a joke that might be offensive at all is not a good idea. Topical humor can be great, but you have no idea what this person’s background is. Jokes about race, politics, religion, or anything controversial will not get you anywhere. If you are going to tell a joke, make it appropriate for all ears. (Or eyes, in this case.)
3. Talk about yourself
Your initial message to a potential love interest does not have to be completely about yourself—but it should touch on the subject. You want this person to know who you are and where you come from and what you are interested in—romantically or in general. Don’t shoot off a message that sounds like a resume, but if you offer something about yourself, he or she will offer something back.
This is a fine balance to learn. Don’t talk about yourself too much, and don’t just ask questions without offering insight into your character. Try to have a “normal” conversation, even if online dating doesn’t come naturally to you.
4. Don’t overthink
I know that writing doesn’t come easy for everyone, but overthinking is not going to help your message come off as sincere. If you draft three or four versions of the same message, by the time you send it off, it may seem too rehearsed. Think about it this way: we don’t get the opportunity to draft what we are saying in a real face-to-face conversation, so why should we get the opportunity in an online message?
It’s okay to proofread before you send a message, but try not to focus too much on making it sound perfect. Humans aren’t perfect.
5. Be unique!
Particularly in the first of your online dating messages to a love interest, being unique is what will help you stand out. It is important to separate yourself from the hundreds of other people this person has the ability to talk to throughout his or her day.
Try leading with a fun fact about yourself, or a cute question (“What’s your favorite Brad Pitt movie?”). If you ask him or her something that they have never been asked before, they are much more likely to respond. Try to avoid sending initial messages like, “How’s your day?” or “How’s it going?” or even just “Hi.” No one wants to respond to someone that has nothing to say.
6. Talk about your passions
Are you a teacher? Great! Don’t just tell people you are a teacher—discuss why you went into that profession. Telling someone that you are a teacher because education is important to you and you truly believe in children’s lives being important to our future is way better than just listing your job.
If you don’t love or feel passionately about your job, discuss something else. Do you play rugby? That’s interesting, but maybe you play rugby because your father played rugby and his father played rugby and you hope one day, your children play rugby.
If you have passions (and hopefully you do!), prove that they are your passion for a reason. Even if your only passion is watching Netflix, really convince this person that you are dedicated to your life choices. You will stand out by discussing what drives you.
7. Prove you have read their profile
If you send a generic message that you could have sent to any other person on the dating site or app, you will not be impressing the person you are trying to connect with. By using bits of their profile in your first message, you will show him or her that you care enough to read what they have to say.
“Hey, I noticed you’ve hiked Mount Rainer before! I did that hike this summer and had a great time. Do you hike often?”
By specifically referring to something mentioned in their profile, you are already coming across a lot better than many of the online dating messages he or she has received before. Based on their profile pictures or profile description, there should be plenty for you to go off of.
8. Be kind
Though this seems obvious, it is unfortunately not. Rejection is hard and a lot of people quickly become bitter while online dating. If you send someone a message that never gets a response, move on gracefully. There is no need to send them another message scolding them for ignoring you. It’s a giant dating world—not every one of your online dating messages deserve a response.
Online dating is undeniably hard. The most important thing to remember when trying to stand out is that honesty is the best policy. If you are yourself, truly and wholly, you will do just fine. Be sweet, thorough, and honest and you will have a much better online experience.