Getting a Divorce – The Process Need not be Ugly

When two people decide “enough is enough” and decide on getting a divorce, it means the end of the road for the relationship. It is not easy to put a full stop to a relationship that would have begun with love, passion, and romance.

And when there are children, it is even harder. Instead of playing a martyr or indulging in the blame game you could consider divorce in an amicable and friendly way.

Find out if getting a divorce is what you want

Marriage counselors advise that couples should wait until the wave of anger passes and rethink the decision to divorce. It is important not to let a small incident end a family forever. Make the effort to speak with a marriage counselor or friend so that you can see things clearly beyond the anger and hurt.

Often ego blocks common sense and couples go through the divorce only to regret it later.

Speak to the family, children

Getting a divorce affects everyone: parents, children, and friends. You need to sit down and speak about your decision with those who love you and form your support system. Explain that the decision was not easy, but it is best in the long run.

Share with children that both of you will still be their parents and nothing can change that. If possible discuss the future plans with children as well as family—where you will live, about work and more.

If there is a new person in your life share information about that too.

Usher dignity in

As educated people, try to get through the divorce process in a dignified way. Sit down and agree on disagreeing. Set aside anger, resentment, and more. As educated adults you can work with your lawyer/mediator and smooth the rough path of getting a divorce. Be practical about things like money, shared assets and more.

Try not to deepen the wounds by attempts to keep children away from one another—never fight over custody. Shared custody should be considered (unless the divorce is because of violence or some other ugly fact).

Work out the nitty-gritty

Even before the divorce goes through, work out personal details like how you will manage responsibilities normally shouldered by your partner. Look through your finances and make sure you are in a position to pay for crucial payments like health insurance, mortgage, or car payments.

Think about how you will juggle work and home responsibilities. Jot down your daily routine and try and fill in the blanks like who will take the child to music classes, or sports practice. Find out whether your “ex” is willing to help with the children and also whether your workplace will offer you flexibility.

Move on, tread the new road

Never let emotions or thoughts of what could have been rule your life. Once you have made honest attempts to reconcile differences try and look forward to a new life. Never regret what could have been. Avoid getting depressed and feeling unloved.

If staying in the same house disturbs you, shift home—begin life anew. Be a rock-solid dependable parent to your child/children. Teach them love not hate and never speak ill about your spouse to your children.

About the Author

Ahendita is an experienced writer and editor with over 30 years work experience. She has authored books, magazine articles, web content, e-books, and promotional materials.

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