Thanks for Being There – In Good and Bad Times

There are good times and bad times in everyone’s life. Good times are normally about celebration and that means we are not alone. We are surrounded by the ones near and dear to us.

But when someone is going through a bad phase in life that is the time when they need someone to instill hope and courage to move on.

Being there does not mean that you commit to help the aggrieved person. It just means that you care, you care about them, their well-being and they can feel comfort in the very thought that you are there for them.

In times when a person is shattered and is going through a gamut of tormenting emotions like sorrow, shock, fear, and hopelessness, the first thing they want is just a gesture of being there for them. Being there means a lot.

Listen

If and when the aggrieved person feels like talking, we can lend an ear to them. That means just listen and not talk. Sometimes silence can be the best answer as there are actually no words to say.

It is not the time or place for people to say different things and create confusion or what is said may not be to the liking of him/her.

Sometimes, however honest our intention may be, our words or actions may be making things worse for them instead of being helpful. It is therefore wise to keep listening and let the person vent out their feelings. This can make them feel the comfort of having shared their feelings with you.

Relief and recovery

Being there and supporting a person who is depressed is not an easy task. Everyone can easily say, “just calm down and everything is going to be alright.’ Often, it is not true.

But in the given circumstances you can take the first step in the direction of offering some sort of comfort by just being there as a source of solace and support. That is why it is enough to say ‘I am here for you.”

It is natural to feel a strong need for the presence of someone we love at times of suffering. If the person is given the feeling that nobody cares, her or she feels lonely and ignored and feels hopeless and finds life meaningless.

Your presence reassures them and works like a miracle conveying to him or her that you love them and care for them. When you follow it up with occasional calling, messages and visits, the recovery of the person becomes easy.

My own experience

One of my sisters who worked in school was shattered when she was diagnosed with cataracts in her eyes and needed immediate surgery. She lived alone and two of her three children were living abroad and a daughter lived in the same city. It was the hectic time of annual exams when her schedule gets the busiest. She even dreaded the thought of asking for leave.

Later when she called me, I told her, “Relax. I am there for you. Call me back if there is anything I can do.” I wanted to be of some comfort and support to her. That is what she needed the most at that moment. Later she told me how my other siblings and her daughter living in the same city “cannot take leave from their work” or are “busy with children’s exams” and some other excuse.

I didn’t waste time and arranged for her leave, was with her in the hospital, and brought her home with me to take care of her post-surgery for a month till she was fit to join work.

Taking time off from my work plus the loss of income never bothered me, because I know what it means to “be there.” After all, this is the one occasion she needed me the most and there was no one else. Nothing would have equaled my being there for her.