Saying No When You Want To

How many times we have landed in a situation where we have said a “Yes”, when all we wanted to say was “No”? Be it work, family or life situations, there are countless times when we have given consents to the scenarios, when we actually didn’t mean to do so.

Saying no to people we love, work with or simply know, is difficult. But have you ever wondered why it was so, or why we are envious of people who state their opinion confidently?

My friend Resham says that she’d go to any lengths to avoid a scene with her husband during a fight, and often ends up accepting the various illogical and difficult demands her spouse makes, which she later regrets.

My gardener, Singhji, the other day, was narrating to me how he ends up running errands and doing favors for his various employers, where he works part-time, simply because he doesn’t want to anger them by refusing and therefore lose his contracts.

It seems quite a number of us suffer from this unable-to-say-no behavior pattern.

How to know if you are a person who hasn’t yet learned the art of saying no?

You know you can’t say “NO” when:

You buy things because the salesman insists you to try the product.
You falter to return a good you bought even if you have a good reason to do so.
You cannot criticize your friends.
You find it difficult to socialize and carry on a conversation.
You tend to keep your feelings deep inside you and will go lengths to avoid an unpleasant scene.
You find it awkward to order your subordinates.
You feel you are being bullied by people around you.
You feel that pleasing others is the way to make people like you.
You feel anxious about people in authority ignoring you.
You feel inadequate to come forward and take part in a group activity.

Be Assertive

People who can’t manage saying no, often feel guilty for each and everything that goes wrong with their life, even if it’s not their fault. Such people tend to hide their feelings rather than let them come up to the surface.

If you are one such person, it’s time to take your life in your own hands and be a little more assertive in your daily life. Remember, you may not bring in a complete personality change, but with practice, you can certainly be more adept at saying what you want, even if it means ruffling a few feathers.

Here are a few tips to help become more assertive:

Find a good friend to share your thoughts and feelings.
Write a journal to keep your priorities and thoughts clear.
Take small steps to express your feelings such as anger and resentment more openly.
Offer sincere compliments and praise to your co-workers, friends and family, and take their compliments at face value.
Take pride in your work and career, even if no one thinks so.

Conclusion

The earth doesn’t shatter by “saying no” or when you refuse to do something, and it doesn’t make you seem like a bad person either. On the contrary, being assertive and vocal about your feelings makes your life a little easier.

So go ahead, and say yes only when you want to, otherwise saying no is okay.