As a woman, you often find yourself juggling your life between office, house, kids, shopping and many other little things. It is little wonder that spending quality time with your husband is no longer possible. Fights take the place of romantic evenings and arguments are the only way you communicate. So, what went wrong?
There is no straight-forward or time-tested mantra for this question. Since it is a behavioral issue, there cannot be a single solution to this. Having said this, I am going to list out a few tips that might help in keeping your marriage alive.
1. Find time for yourself
Many women give self-grooming a last priority especially after marriage. But most men still look at other pretty women. So, does that not tell us something about men? All men like pretty looking women. It is therefore, very important to keep yourself well-groomed and in shape.
2. Go dating
Many people think that dating is a thing you do before marriage. But going out on an occasional date at least once a month is a good practice. It is one place that keeps the romance in your life alive. It is an occasion for you to let loose and talk about your relationship.
More often than not, communication ends at “Food is ready” or “I want the remote”. And beyond a point in time that is all there is left of a relationship. There are only so many things you can talk about. Well, I think that there is always something to talk about.
It is surprising to see that you will always find interesting opinions on varied topics. The topics can range from Politics, Sport, Cinema, Friends, Theatre or any other topic of interest to you.
4. Be direct
Men don’t understand the language of signals, they don’t understand grumbling, and they don’t understand subtle comments or even strong comments. They need to be told. So, rather than saying “Oh! I wanted to watch this program but I still need to clear away the table” you might try saying “Honey, can you please clear the table?” A direct approach is the only way to ask a man. Once you get him to share your work, you will definitely be able to find time to spend with him.
5. Cut back on TV time
More often than not, TV becomes a pain point in the house. Men surf channels like mad and women watch the most sentimental mush. Even if you are not the daily sops type, you may like Oprah or you may like dance shows that your spouse does not like.
He may like football, whereas you may not. The best way to combat TV would be to ration your TV time. You might try something like, “I would like to spend some time with you. Please turn off the TV.” Only be careful not to interfere with big events like Super Bowl or World cups!
6. Keep secondary family at bay
Most marriages begin well, but it only lasts until one of the sets of parents come visiting. Both men and women are willing to compromise on issues concerning their own but get very offended when it concerns their parents. Keep those kind of issues as bay and do not broach those topics unless in self-preservation.
7. Keep those candles ready
Romance or sex? This is a choice that cannot be mutually exclusive. Do whatever is required to keep the sex innovative and the romance alive. I am sure all of you would have heard, men would satisfy emotional needs in trade of physical one and women would satisfy physical needs in trade of emotional ones. Make sure that you keep your part of the bargain.
8. Financial security
In most households, I see that the women like to keep their salary or at least a part of their salary to themselves. According to me, it is not required. Like you see in the spider man movies – With great power comes great responsibility. You can extend this to your husband as well. Make him aware that you are willing to pool in your finances if he keeps his part of the bargain. Money could be the root cause for a lot of issues. The solution is to talk about it and not by keeping money close to you.
9. Keep an open mind
It is not always necessary that you should approve of all the things that your husband does. But it does not mean that he should only do things that you approve of. Be open to the fact that there may be a few things that you may not approve of, but that he likes to do. Unless it is detrimental to health or is financially not viable, do not argue. This will give him the confidence to share things with you that he would otherwise not.
10. Never keep secrets
You might have done something that you think is inconsequential or something that your husband does not approve of. Still there is no harm in sharing it. The more you are open, the more he is going to feel trusted. You might get yelled at, but better that than being suspected for everything.
11. Surprising your husband
Men do like surprises. Be it buying them something that they always wanted or throwing them a surprise party, they just love being surprised. And who does not! Throwing surprises appeals to the child in a person and can go a long way in commanding the affection that is otherwise depleting.
All humans are suckers for a bit of appreciation. In most relationships we tend to take things for granted and think that it is not important to applaud a job well-done. Also, making a man feel important makes his chest swell with pride. It may even be something as simple as planting a peck on his cheek and saying thank you.
Some people, however, do need repeating an appreciation time and again and for yet others it may be annoying to mention it over and over again. It is important to gauge the amount of appreciation required.
Well, we all know that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Most men appreciate a well-cooked favorite meal and it’s a sure shot way of gaining points in your man’s book.
14. Noticing their physical attributes
Appreciating their dressing or telling them that something in their appearance needs to be fixed is a good way to telling a man that you do notice his physical attributes. Beware while telling them about an increasing pot belly or a balding head though. Be careful to comment about things that can be fixed.
15. Keep ego at bay
Most marriages are ruined by an ego problem. When you feel an ego issue mounting, it is better to retreat and resume the conversation at a level ground. Similarly, it is important to keep your own ego at bay. After all it is important to resolve an issue rather than mounting it.
There definitely are other things that go a long way in keeping your relationship alive, but these a few tips that I have found immensely useful in trying to keep my relationship safe. Hope they work for you!