Tips on Finding the Right Life Partner
Poems and stories describe lightning flashes and instant love and passion—romances have enchanted mankind for eons. Romeo and Juliet and many other tales highlight love in its many hues.
While a few people can vouch for “falling in love” and “forever relationships” there are many broken marriages and relationships that indicate otherwise. Hollywood presents us with many instances of both undying love and divorces galore. The question is how does one find the ideal partner for life?
It’s quite easy to be carried away by the romanticism that dating represents. While romance does make the heart beat faster (and the hormones rush) it will not sustain years and years of being together unless the relationship is built on many practical aspects like understanding and respect (just to name a few). The bottom line is that it is important to work to make a relationship last.
Look beyond the hues of romance
When looking for a life partner, make an effort to know the person better. During casual and formal dates share with the person your likes and dislikes and use general conversation to find out what is it that makes your date “tick.” For any partnership to work it is important that both partners retain their individuality. One should never have to change to please the other.
Determine whether you have any common interests
For harmony and companionship its important that you and your partner share common interests—be it food, books, travel, or sports.
A friend from college married her boyfriend, but after a few years she realized that both of them were as different as chalk and cheese.
Their marriage did go through some rocky times, but as parents of two wonderful children they decided to work things out. Disharmony was not because love had died out, it was quite simply that each of them had different interests.
She loved the arts, dancing and music while he liked hanging out with his drinking buddies. As two adults they decided that each of them would pursue their own interests and respect one another’s space. Their sensible thinking saved their marriage and they are now celebrating the golden anniversary.
Long term relationships require a solid base
Make an effort to find out whether you and your date have any interests in common at all. Also decide that as educated human beings you will try and put aside egos and bossiness to build a lasting partnership.
Talk and Agree On
Education and career goals
Since both of you may have ambitions you will need to find out how much give and take is possible. If one partner is a globetrotter and the other has serious commitments at work it will take many, many adjustments to make the relationship work as the non-travelling partner will need to shoulder most of the responsibilities.
Life is about being together and growing together. Laughter, fun, and companionship flourish when people share interests. It should never happen that the personality of one partner is so strong that it overwhelms the individuality of the other.
Spiritual and political beliefs
Often war is declared over religious or political leanings. So find out whether you share thoughts or are at a complete tangent.
These are very important. Both must share common ground when it concerns having children, living in urban/rural areas, retirement plans, and so on. Listening to one another, communicating and talking over important matters will help a relationship grow. Another aspect is that of “pulling the yoke” together.
Its important that household chores, raising children and simple things like picking up the kids, taking them to sports/ music practice and so on are shared by both partners. Give and take is a key to success.
It takes two to tango
In modern times most couples are working and have ambitions. So before embarking on exchanging vows, determine whether you will be able to fulfill your career ambitions or will you need to sacrifice for your partner. Talk about these aspects and discuss scenarios like possible transfers to different places and so on.
Think about how, as a couple, you would approach aspects like taking care of the kids and about shared responsibilities where the home and hearth are concerned.
Remember relationships work best when there is honesty as well as a deep understanding of not just yourself but also the partner. To make a relationship work your life goals need to be in synchrony with that of your partner. Adjustments are key to a successful relationship.
Successful Relationship = Compatible Relationship
When looking for a partner search in places you like to frequent—ball game, park, music performance/movies. If you connect with a person with similar interests the chances of a successful relationship are higher. Compatibility is the cornerstone while romance is like sprinkles on an ice cream. So look for a person who you can enjoy activities with and laughter.