Is Hatred Coloring your World Black?

Does thinking of someone make blood rush faster through your veins? Do you find yourself failing to control the negative emotions that run across your mind every time you look at a certain someone? Like love, hatred too is a very real and strong emotion which is difficult to explain in words.

Emotions are often considered as ‘energy in motion’ so how does one control something which is already in motion.

Managing Hatred

If the person we hate is someone we need to interact with on a daily basis like a spouse, a family member or our boss, then emotional management gets all the more challenging. There may be very rational reasons behind the hatred so ignoring them and pretending to be cool and calm is not going to solve the problem.

Ideally, we would like to experience only positive emotions but sometimes we simply can’t help but hate a person due to his or her negative qualities. Hatred, like other negative emotions needs to be managed. Emotional management needs hard and focused work so don’t get into it with a lazy or undisciplined approach.

A step by step approach works best in this but a final word before we start on the process to managing Hatred is needed: set your expectations right.

You cannot replace your hatred with love, the best you can do is manage your hatred so it doesn’t reach extreme levels and ruin your mood every time you need to meet or interact with the concerned person.

Following the process will give you a balanced frame of mind and the concerned person will cease to be a stimulant for hatred in your brain.

A Step-by-Step Approach

The first step is to connect with yourself and understand why you hate the concerned person. You could sit alone in silence and think deeply or write your thoughts down in a journal if that works better for you.

Try to pin the reasons down in as clear a manner as possible. Is it a certain quality or qualities in the person, a certain habit or behavior that you strongly dislike or is it something that the person did in the past?

Whatever be the reason, list it down in clear and simple words. Keep the final list short and sweet to ensure that you understand the reason/s as precisely and accurately as possible.

In the second step, use your preferred method (reflection, journal writing) to understand why you hate and feel strongly about those qualities, habits or behaviors. Who and what we love or hate has more to do with ourselves than anyone else, so this exercise is great in gaining some self-knowledge and self-awareness.

Let’s say someone thinks lowly about women in general and when you see that attitude, it irks you no end. Understand that you believe in gender equality and feel strongly about the subject—so strongly that you could punch someone who dares think lowly of them.

Again, list down the exact point in front of the previously mentioned quality or behavior since the two are closely linked. Keep it precise and specific. So, it could be, “Women deserve equal respect and social status as men,” in the example mentioned above.

As a third step, remind yourself of the fact that there are more than six billion human personalities roaming the planet and unfortunately there are few things that we can change or control in them. Decide on a positive affirmation about yourself based on the value you discovered in yourself through that other person and say it to yourself internally every time you feel hatred.

It could be, “I am a fair person and believe that women deserve respect and equal social status.” You will see how you will start to ‘hate the sin but not the sinner’ very soon after this. Become aware of yourself and choose to feel peaceful instead of disturbed when you see or interact with the concerned person.

Make it Constructive

If you want to channel your passionate energy about a certain value or belief further, then you could even go ahead and do something meaningful for society in that regard like join a women’s group that works to raise women’s quality of life and social status.

There can be no rainbow without a cloud and a storm. ~ John H. Vincent (Tweet this)

Feeling hatred for an individual is not going to achieve much, it is better to take a constructive approach and do something for the positive value you believe in to make the world a better place. Be a role-model of the values you hold close to your heart and persuade others to follow them too in a positive manner.


Hatred is a strong negative emotion that can ruin a person’s mind and sense of well-being. Handling and managing it in a proper way can make your journey of life pleasant and constructive. The more we look for alternative ways to manage negative emotions, the closer we get to a heightened level of self awareness and raise our quality of life.


About the Author

Supradeep Mukherjee is an author, trainer and broadcaster. Educated at Hindu College and the Delhi School of Economics, he has consulted with a number of corporate organisations, radio stations and academic institutions. His areas of interest include Personal Development, Parenting, Relationships and Lessons in Living from Mythology.

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