How to Revive a Boring Relationship
Because women nowadays live a stressful, very career-oriented life, you can often find articles about how to find love. But what if you already found it and now it bores the hell out of you? Is this YOU? Are you stuck in a boring relationship and don’t know what to do? Read on . . .
Athol Kay, the ultimate married-men’s coach, says in a recent interview that while men can be either 100% or 0% happy in a relationship, women are a lot more graduated: “It’s like they are 63% happy . . . and then he does something good, and then they are 64% happy, . . . . and then he did this stupid thing and now they are 61% happy.” Come to think of it, this is exactly . . .
How Women End Up In a Boring Relationship
You met him, you were attracted, he was attracted, there was a little flirt and bang! You started a happy relationship. He was kind and caring and you were thankful you found the one good man out there. And as you two were floating in your “honeymoon” bubble of 100%, here is what you started noticing:
- Career-wise you have goals and dreams he cannot even begin to understand
- You are open for new challenges and he doesn’t like risk
- He doesn’t make you laugh anymore
- You kind of love him, but don’t really like him
- Sex is rare. And it’s still more than you can take.
You don’t fight. This may look like a good sign, but it’s not. If you never fight, this means one of you automatically compromises with too much. Judging by the fact that you are bored, this is probably him.
If all of this has been happening for a while, chances are your levels of happiness are going through the floor. You may think he ought to notice, but don’t count on it. He is probably walking around thinking “I’m in a great relationship.” And you’d hate to bring him down, so what do you do?
What To Do About Your Boring Relationship?
Needless to say, you can break up with him. But we are focusing on other ways here. Before we go on to explain what you can do about your boring relationship, you need to first understand the two pillars of relationships.
If you really think about a successful relationship, this is what you imagine. We often make the mistake of thinking that these are just two consecutive phases: you get attracted and with time you get comfortable. But if you want to be happy in your personal life, you need to understand that this is a real balancing act. You need to provide both attraction and comfort at all times, and so does your man. So how are attraction and comfort provided?
A woman is attractive by behaving in a feminine manner and looking good. You may think there’s more to it, but men are simple and that’s about it. A man is often attractive by being “badass.” Now, when I say badass, I don’t mean recently came out of jail, but I do mean confident, independent, standing his ground, strong, intelligent, able to protect you.
Comfort for both sexes is usually provided by being supportive to your partner; taking care of him/her in the way you can; avoiding confrontation; spending quality time together etc. Basically the things that make you comfortable.
I can’t stress this enough. Both are important for a relationship to really work. You need be attractive and you need to provide comfort. If you are in a boring relationship, chances are your man is striving to provide comfort too much versus keeping you attracted to him.
If you think about it, there are a lot of women out there making the same mistake: they cook and clean for him, but don’t care about their looks anymore.
So, in short, what needs to happen is, he has to bring back the attraction.
How To Make Him Attract You Again?
This is a tricky one, and not because it is difficult, but because it is hard to believe how easy it is. Making your man attract you again is a two-fold process.
1. Clarify for yourself what you are attracted to
Think about what do all men you have ever been attracted to have in common. What did you like about their behavior and their looks? What did you initially love about your man? Write all of this down and feel free to babble at first. Babble as long as you need to, then read your thoughts, underline what’s most important and write it again in a structured list.
What are you attracted to? This is not just about this relationship. Even if you decide to break up with him eventually, being conscious of what you are attracted to will always be useful.
2. Communicate that with him
I know that your initial reaction to that would be “It’s not real; he should be doing it on his own.” The truth is that is a big fat lie that romantic comedies have you believe: The One will just do everything perfectly. Think about what you are really asking of him: to know you better than you know yourself; read your mind at every moment and give you exactly what you want, without even considering what his personality may be.
How would you feel if he expects that of you? So once you are clear about what you are attracted to, sit him down and tell him. Explain it to him in a supportive way, very calm manner, saying you love him and want that relationship to continue, but you would really like to fix those few things.
I assure you most of the problems of boring relationships are quite fixable once you get off your emotional roller-coaster and deal with them. And if you have correctly identified what you like and he does it, you will subconsciously be attracted to him again, regardless of whether you told him or not.
Good luck with your amazing relationship!
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