Of all the home remedies, good wife is best. ~ Kin Hubbard (Tweet this)
If you’re a married woman and you clicked to read this article, I must tell you how much I admire you! Maybe you are curious to learn how to be a good wife or you clicked on the article just for the heck of it! The truth is, being a good wife isn’t something that many women think of. Nowadays, relationship are expected to grow and prosper on their own.
And if anyone’s responsible, we often claim it’s the man. After all, if he’s just smart, rich, good looking, funny and great in bed, we would have absolutely no problems now, would we? So, because we think that our marriage is all taken care of just because it’s there, we focus on other things – like how to start a business, or how to get that raise, or how to be a better mother….
….until one day we realize our marriage is failing. How did this happen? We thought we were doing fine.
Fine is not good enough. And I want to tell you right now that if you’re a woman, no matter how emancipated you are, no matter how much money you make or how many children you have, you’ll never be completely happy with your life if you’re not part of happy relationship. And even if you try to deny that on a conscious level, subconsciously you know it. You know you want to be loved. Nay, you need to be loved.
And this brings me back to the reason I admire you. You know all this. You’ve accepted that you must be a good wife for your husband if you want him to be good husband for you. It’s only natural. So here it is: how to be a good wife presented in a simple way.
List of 11 steps on how to be a good wife
For the purpose of this article, the question “how to” will be translated to “what to do about”. We’ll take this approach because it allows us to list all the different areas where we expect our men to show up. And while listing those areas, I will tell you what to do about each of them in order to build yourself a better and happier man, and a better and happier marriage.
1. His confidence
Well here’s what not to do: tear it to the ground! It is so important for a man to have his wife believe in him, it affects his confidence massively and a confident man can achieve anything. So, when you’re fighting and your ego is hurt and you really want to hurt him back, don’t!
Every disadvantage you throw in his face while you’re fighting will stay in his mind for a very long time—even if you apologize after that—and this way you will slowly make him doubt his abilities.
In fact, do just the opposite of hurting his ego. Flatter him! Tell him what you love about him, congratulate him on great decisions (even if they look obvious to you) and on successes (even small ones). That way you will create a confident man that will achieve all kinds of wonders and call you his muse!
2. The money he makes
If your man is not making as much as you’d like him to, there is a way to fix that, but it requires patience. First of all, try to understand him better: what are his dreams, what does he really want to do, what are his strong sides and weaknesses, what is his best chance to move forward in his career— or perhaps to switch careers.
A great way to do that—other than simply talking to him and really listening—is using the Jung Typology Test. You can find the shorter version of that online totally free. Just do the test. Have him do the test. And it will give you a lot of insight about how you can support him and help him earn more.
When it comes to money, it’s also important to let him take financial decisions, so that he learns to take them.
I know many families where it’s mostly the woman operating with the budget of the household and this isn’t really motivating a man to earn more, because, at the subconscious level, he feels he still won’t be able to do whatever he wants with his money, no matter how much he makes.
3. His health
If your husband is one of the many men that drink alcohol every day, or smoke, or over-eat, or over-stress, don’t worry—there’s something you can do about that. In fact, there are a few things.
First of all, be a loving wife. According to author and one guru Larisa Renar, men drink too much when their woman lacks energy to love them, when she doesn’t pay enough attention, when she doesn’t make him feel like a man.
Even though she doesn’t mention any other addictions that may come from this type of behavior, it is my personal opinion and observation that this way of treating your husband can lead to all sorts of health problems. So to help your husband’s health, just make it your priority and learn how to be a good wife.
Here are some other practical steps you can take:
- Cook good food—or at least order good food. It doesn’t have to be all salads and vegan meals. But have your man eat a bit more fish, a bit more veggies, maybe baked potatoes instead of fries, maybe drink water instead of soda. Little things matter, so see what you can do about that.
- Inspire him to work out. Do something fun together or encourage him to try something his friends are doing.
- A big part of drinking alcohol is the social part of it. How about keeping him company while offering him freshly squeezed orange juice?
- Take his mind off things. If he’s too stressed about work, don’t add to it. You can ask him if he wants to talk about it and if not, suggest that you watch a movie you know he wants to see or rub his feet. You can play huge role in his relaxation (if you only want to).
4. His skills in bed
For most women, if the sex is not great, they either keep it quiet or give way too many instructions. For you to be married to this person, there must have been times when you loved his performance in the bedroom. Think back to what was different back then? Maybe you both looked better, had more energy, maybe your relationship and time together were a priority, maybe you were more relaxed, maybe your surprised each other with different gestures.
And now, after a few years, you’re probably all about the same moves, the same positions, no or minimum foreplay and no or minimum cuddling or talk afterwards. There’s your problem! Just go back to how things were (and as a woman, you can do that almost entirely on your own).
If you start to express desire for sex more often, if you spice things up with a sexy underwear or suggest something new, if you do the things you used to do… then chances are he will get his behavior back then too.
So, as Samantha from “Sex and the City” said, “If the sex is bad it doesn’t help to say it’s bad, but doing nothing also doesn’t help!“
So instead, follow these tips and trust me: they work!
5. His happiness
I do believe that every person is responsible for his or her own happiness. However, your environment is a huge part of your happiness. And as his wife, you are a part of your husband’s environment. I love this saying and you may have heard me say it in other articles or videos, but here it goes again…
You can only be as happy as the least happy person in the relationship.
So if you don’t feel good, it’s time to work on that! And if you need him to do something for you in order to do good, do tell him. You might think “Oh, how is asking things of my husband going to make him happier.” Well, believe it or not, it will!
Men live to satisfy the woman of their dreams.
But when he gives you what you need—even if it’s the smallest thing—you have to show this happiness, you have to radiate it so that he basks in it. We are the emotional chargers of men and that includes positive and negative emotions. Be happy, smile, ask of him what you need but also thank him and tell him how grateful you are, and then your husband will slowly turn into the most cheerful man alive!
6. His career
So you’re not exactly proud to answer the question “What does your husband do?” Maybe he still makes rather good money, but it’s just the social status and the people he’s surrounded with…
If you want this to change, you can change it, but you also have to be sure that this change would be the best thing for him too and not just for you.
Start by talking with him about his dreams, by supporting him to go after these dreams, by reminding him of all his wonderful qualities that you and people around him love.
When he feels comfortable, only then will he allow himself to think about a brighter future. Keep doing that and wait. There will be a moment, sooner or later, when he will tell you what he dreams of (and he will be really excited about that, too). Now is the time to support him, even if it’s risky.
7. His hobbies
I’ve heard women complain about their husband’s hobbies, from what they are (because they are too dangerous, for example), to how much time they spend on them (entire weekends fishing?!), to the people they hang out with while doing them.
There’s only one piece of advice to be given here: his hobbies are part of what makes your man, your man.
This is the person you fell in love with, so don’t try to take away what he loves and change him at his core. Either accept his hobbies and give him the time and space to do them… or leave him and find someone that you truly love.
8. His friends
Not crazy about your man’s friends? Too bad. If they are really good childhood friends, chances are you won’t be able to do anything. I’m sure he’s not crazy about all your friends either so work with him on that by offering some kind of compromise.
And even though you can’t stop your man from being with his friends, you can expand his social circle so that it includes people you do like.
This will happen if you apply what I told you (when we were talking about his career and the money he makes). Supporting your man in following his dreams will acquaint him with new, amazing people, some of which will become his friends… and you will be happy to hang out with them too.
9. His habits
Losing a bad habit and replacing it with a new, positive one can be difficult. In fact, it is safe to say that this is one of the most difficult things a person can do. So if you want your husband to change some of his habits, the only way to make him do that without being a full-blown hypocrite is to do the same.
Work on changing—whether it’s removing or adopting—some of your habits. Do something that you know he will enjoy.
I’m sure he’s been nagging you about something just the way you’ve been nagging him about throwing his socks everywhere or whatever else. Of course, there’s always another option: let it all go. Accept him for who he is and again, he will follow the example and leave you alone. So what are you going to choose?
10. His way of expressing love
Some women need their men to tell them they love them every day. Others prefer flowers or gifts in general. Some want big romantic gestures. And others want it all! Did you recognize yourself?
Women are complicated creatures. We want different things in different times, but if we have to put it simply: we want to know that we are loved. Really loved.
And if you don’t feel loved by your man, but deep inside do know that he loves you, you need to talk this out with him.
I’m not saying he will listen. But he will hear some of it. Especially if you make sure you drop hints. You tell him what makes you happy (rather than requiring anything!) subconsciously, when you tell him stories about husbands that did something great for their wives.
Don’t expect him to get into gear right away and don’t expect him to stay in gear. But if you play your cards right, thank him, remind him of what you need and give him what he needs, you will get a man that does whatever is necessary for you to know you’re loved.
11. His looks
I’m sure you liked the way your husband looked when you married him. But things change with time and even though it is normal for beauty to fade away and for other, more important things to replace it, if your hubby really let himself go, you probably need him to get back in shape. The first thing you should do to make this happen is to go back in this article and re-read the “his health” section, where I’ve offered excellent advice about helping your husband lose some weight.
And if you’re having problem with anything else—his hair, mustache, clothes, styling—change it for him!
I often give gifts to my husband—buy him clothes and shoes I like, book him haircut appointments… Victor happens to have amazing taste and I love the way he looks, but if anything bothers me, I proceed with buying something better for him. And because most men don’t like shopping (and if they trust us), they will just do whatever we tell them to.
And of course, when you see improvement in the way he looks, don’t forget to pay him some compliments. He deserves them and likes them just as much as you do!
A good wife makes a good husband. ~ Author unknown (Tweet this)
Marriage isn’t easy. But when women handle things the right way, it tends to get easier (and a lot more pleasant). So try these simple 11 tips on how to be a good wife and get back to us in the comments below !!