The Single Child and Socialization

Gone are the days of large noisy families where many children grew up together sharing joys and sorrows, wearing hand-me-downs and more. Today many young couples are either too busy to be parents or choose to have only a single child.

In college two of my classmates were the only children in their family and they found it hard to be part of a large group and tended to keep to themselves—rarely would they laugh out a loud or fling an arm in friendship over the shoulder of a friend.

Since I grew up in a large extended family I never experienced isolation or the inability to talk with others—young or old. Our home was always filled with aunts, grandparents, cousins many times removed and more.

In the sixties anyone who came from your village looking for work in the city would come and stay with a relation—however far removed—so our home often resembled a railway station.

Today with western values creeping in, doors are not open welcoming clan members. In fact kids today expect even family to call and find out if it is okay to drop in. In this scenario single children grow up feeling disconnected from others and become introverts and sometimes selfish.

There is a world beyond 2+1

While it may be economically wonderful to have a 2+1 family group, however for the child to develop as a socially-adept person, it is important to learn to hob-nob with others. Try and set some time aside to take your child to spend weekends with extended family—especially homes where there are other children.

Invite other kids over to spend the day or weekends (encourage sleepovers). This will help your child to learn how to interact with other children and be comfortable playing, talking to (and eating with) larger groups.

My friend was an only child and she too had just one daughter—the child would hide behind her mother and never look at me directly if I knelt down and spoke to her.

I could never hug her, shake hands with her or even elicit a smile from her. Invariably she would cry if her mother spent even ten minutes talking to me seeking her mother’s attention. Obviously, my friend could also not get her daughter to go to school.

For a single child who spends large amounts of time with just the parents, it may be extremely hard to fit in to the world outside. Make it a point to be aware of the pitfalls of being the parent of an only child and make an effort to raise the child to be comfortable in an outside environment.

Peer groups are essential

Bring up your child well; ensure that the child spends time each day with peer groups. This exposure will instill qualities of sharing, the ability to communicate with others, instill confidence and a comfort level.

Children are socially adept when they know how to:

• eat with others
• lose a game
• share toys, stories or a joke
• stand up to bullies
• befriend others—both adults and other children.

While many kids are introverts they still need to know how to greet a family member or person they meet. When a single child interacts with other children and adults regularly, the child will learn many life skills and a certain level of independence.

Prepare them for the world beyond home

Many mothers are protective of their only child and tend to hover over them. They are aptly name helicopter moms. This is unhealthy for both the child and the mother. Experts recommend that parents of single children plan to spend time away from the child every once in a while.

Ensure that the child develops a close relationship with someone else too—an aunt, uncle, grandparent, or older cousin. This will help in case of emergencies.

Conclusion – The single child and Socialization

Encourage the child to share, expose the child to play groups, storytelling sessions and perhaps drama groups. Sunday school, many parents have realized, is a wonderful way to instill values and expose a child to other children from various backgrounds.

While theories of how to raise a wonderful single child are great, remember each child is different and are individuals with special needs.

Always make every effort to understand your child, sense its comfort levels, and varied needs. Be realistic in your expectations. Remember no two children are alike.