You Will Never Be Alone, Unless You Choose So

Single is no longer a lack of options, but a choice. A choice to refuse to let your life be defined by your relationship status but to live every day Happily and let your Ever After work itself out.~ Mandy Hale (Tweet this)

Most single people would gladly wear that quote on a badge. These days it is almost trendy to not be in a relationship, but do you realize that, deep inside, staying single for too long can affect you in horrible ways? It lowers your confidence, increases stress levels, builds on negative self-talk and creates the illusion of loneliness. To make matters worse, all that leads to you being alone even longer. So how do we break this Catch 22?

As a coach and as a person, I have found confidence to be the holy grail of happiness. We all look for it, but no one is quite sure what it is. Yet, if you take a walk down the street, you can easily spot the confident people—chin high up, a determined walk and a certain charm, which surely never lets them worry about ending up alone. Haven’t you dreamed of being in their shoes? I know I have, before I discovered and started applying this simple step.

It is no secret that the human mind is genius, but it is also scientifically proven that it can easily be tricked into creating the reality you want. All kinds of books and movies have been created on the topic during the last decade, promoting positive psychology and the law of attraction, probably the most famous being “The Secret.”

But I am here to tell you this: it doesn’t matter how much you are thinking about what you want, hoping to attract it, if you never do anything about it. So what I offer is a very practical action step to help you never be alone and it is:

Often Do What You Are Afraid Of

Although this could mean bungee jumping, don’t worry that you need to be doing these kinds of things. Challenging your fears to never be alone can be a lot more subtle than that. For example, you could be afraid to eat alone in a restaurant or to speak your mind to your boss, or talk to a stranger. The longer you keep a fear inside you without facing it, the stronger it becomes, until one day it turns into a part of your identity.

“I can’t go out alone, that’s just how I am.” You don’t need to be a psychologist to know that the more fears determine your identity, the lower your confidence and happiness levels will be. On the other hand, if you defy your fears, this will keep you in your stretch zone and result in positive self-talk, like “If I can do this, I can do anything!” There are three simple steps to help you often do what you are afraid of:

List your fears, both small and big
Choose a routine. In other words, how often will you face your fears. A recommended routine (by me as a life coach) is once a week. You could even challenge the same fear more than once, until it completely disappears.
Start. It doesn’t matter how many articles you’ll read and how many lists you will make unless you act on them, so start this week.

A Confident Person Will Never Be Alone

If you haven’t had a relationship in a while, you may have put it on a pedestal and that is stopping you from pursuing it as a normal, confident person would. If you continuously do what you are afraid of, you will soon find it easy to initiate and start a relationship, because you will have developed skills to walk right through what seems difficult and make it happen. While meeting “The One” may still take some time, you will notice that:

Your new-found confidence will make you more attractive. You will have that certain je ne sais quoi you have always dreamed about.
As part of challenging your fears, you will meet new people. Even if you don’t understand how exactly yet, you will. This is how the universe works.
You will gain better understanding of yourself and what you really want from a relationship—and from life for that matter. Not knowing what you want from your partner is one of the key reasons relationships never happen or fall apart.
It will be easier for you to communicate what you want from a relationship. This skill will prevent you from entering the dreaded “friend zone” when you really like somebody and will help you build a good foundation for lasting love.

Loneliness can be a very unpleasant feeling. So, challenge your fears, take control of your life, and never be alone . . . ever! In short, destiny favors the brave, so be one of them.

Have you ever challenged a fear? Leave a reply below and tell us how it made you feel.