Relationship Problems – Change your Relationships Quotient

Do you spend long hours trying to project an image to the outer world? We want others to see us in a certain way. When someone doesn’t see us like we want them to, we feel disturbed.

The image we want to project may not actually be what we think of ourselves and incongruence disturbs the peace. Most of the troubles in any relation have poor communication at their root. Relationships need effort to evolve with time.

We also have our ideas about what others think of us which may or may not be entirely accurate. So, there really are three aspects to consider:

• what we think of ourselves,
• what we want others to think of us and
• what we think others think of us.

When we bother about how others see us and what they think of us, we create unrest inside. We won’t really feel comfortable with people and there is a slight or even major disturbance in relationships. Instead of being sources of comfort, relationships will feel troublesome.

Such a pattern of thinking causes us to give away our power to others. We act and even start to think the way others want us to and become like puppets. Such a state of powerlessness sucks away joy from our lives.

What’s important is to approve of ourselves and think positively about our own selves.

We won’t remain dependent on others for approval and this small shift can change the quality of our life immensely. Our relationships, too, gain significantly when we remove this burden of approval from them and they suddenly feel comfortable again.

People like to be around individuals who think well of themselves as they have a comforting presence. We can only give to others what we give to ourselves first. If we like ourselves, we find it easier to like others too.

When we become free from the burden of how we want others to think of us and instead think well about ourselves, we experience inner comfort.

The game of pretending and image management is an unnecessary burdensome chore we impose on ourselves. Wearing masks over our real selves and changing them according to the people we are with drains us of valuable energy.

Relationship Problems – Underlying Cause of Trouble in Relationships

The ‘male ego’ is a commonly-witnessed syndrome. It especially comes into play when men get married. Socially, men are seen as dominating and as the ‘head of the family.’ They expect to be treated in a special way by their wives who are supposed to massage their egos and treat them as superior beings.

This often creates much disturbance in marriages, especially in contemporary times. Genuine respect for another can only be experienced when someone has some worthy qualities.

If a person does not possess any worthy qualities but still demands to be treated as a superior creature, the other person feels pressured and unnatural.

Nitin and Maneka had an arranged marriage. Both were working and earning handsome salaries and their families got along well when they met.

Maneka was smart and intelligent while Nitin was a bit dull. He did not think that of himself though. He thought he was smarter than anyone else on the planet and wanted his wife to think that way, too. What started as trivial arguments turned into major fights as Nitin’s ego felt slighted at every small little thing Maneka did.

Being the smarter one, she would make the right decisions and advise him about things too but he felt slighted and insulted. Their relationship suffered and he distanced himself as a result, and got into habits like smoking and drinking to avoid facing the painful truth.

Had Nitin’s need for being considered smart been less desperate, he could have come to terms with the situation and made the best out of his relationship too but he felt crushed under the negative emotions he experienced. Maneka sensed how he felt and pretended (as needed) to make him comfortable.

Though the pretense kept their marriage functional throughout, it sucked away the genuine joy from their relationship as everything was based on falsehood. There is no place for ego, pride, arguments or jealousy in a relationship.

In any serious relationship, if you don’t gather your partner’s opinion before making a decision that impacts you both, you’re just storing up trouble for the future. ~ Cindy Woodsmall (Tweet this)

So, sort out the relationship problems and have compassion for each other. Understanding the other’s perspective (and showing respect for the same) is vital.

Conclusion

Life can feel like a joyful journey when we genuinely think well of ourselves. Self awareness is the starting point of all personal development. Getting bothered about how others think of us and how we want them to think of us is only an effort we make to validate our thoughts about ourselves. Relationships are an investment. The more you put in, the more you can get back.

It is but an unnecessary complication. It is important though, not to create fancy egoistic thoughts about ourselves which may be completely inaccurate objectively but to have a genuine and accepting approach about our strengths and weaknesses.

Good relationships require effort but they are worth it. Relationships need to be nurtured in order to grow.