10 Outdated Relationship Deal Breakers You Should Reconsider

Urban Dictionary defines “deal breaker” as,

A deal breaker is ‘the catch’ that a particular individual cannot overlook and ultimately outweighs any redeeming quality the individual may possess.
As in, “The deal breaker was that he was married with kids and I don’t condone adultery.”

While the above example is pretty important information to know about in advance—because: wife and kids—what most of us consider to be relationship deal breakers really might end up being a little outdated.

Sure, relationship deal breakers make for a fun conversation to have with your friends but it isn’t necessarily a sustainable part of a real-life decision in whether or not to date another human being. If you sat down and listed out every single thing you hope for in a partner, it will be nearly impossible to find someone that embodies the entire list. In other words if relationship deal breakers are a part of your life, that special someone might not be. Let me give you an example.

My current partner is someone I love a lot and hope to be with for a long time, yet he does not match up with my entire “perfect person” list. In other words he has things on my relationship deal breakers list—Yikes! I used to think certain things were non-negotiable, and though I still have a few things that I absolutely could not compromise on, there are plenty of things I have let go over the years.

Here are a few of the relationship deal breakers that you, also, might consider letting go. No one is perfect, after all.

1. Body types don’t matter

Many of us believe that we have a type and that is perfectly acceptable to believe in. Some people think they love tall men, or short women, or women who never wear makeup, or men who play on a sports team. Though these things may be true, there is always the exception.

I had a friend in college who was very, very tall. At 6’9, he insisted that he would never, ever date a woman who was shorter than 5’8. He and I argued about this because I thought it was so silly to place such a random restriction on your heart. Sure, I understand that height differences can be complicated, but your heart will never fall in love with someone’s height. That 6’9 man is now married to a 5’3 woman. You never know until you know. Physicalities should never be on your relationship deal breakers list. Bodies, and hair, and preferences . . . change.

2. The first impression

Yes, first impressions are important. No, first impressions are not everything. Though couples love to share their “how we met” stories, as the years go by, the first impression of a person starts to dwindle. How many couples met and hit it off right away? That’s great!

But how many couples met and never in a million years thought they would end up together? That’s great too! First impressions are important but everybody knows that first impressions do not always put us in our best light. I am a very nice and kind (yet  opinionated and blunt) person—all things you would likely not take away from our first meeting. First impressions are okay, but don’t let that little detail make (or break) your relationship deal breakers list.

3. Past relationships

Past relationships can be a very hard thing to discuss, though it is usually important for you and your partner to do so. If your new love interest has been married before, or previously dated someone that you don’t necessarily like, it can be hard to get past that. If you think things will go well for the two of you, try to let go of what happened before you. It can be tricky, but your relationship might be worth getting past that discomfort.

4. Finances

Money talks—to everybody! Financial issues can be tricky. Let’s say you make more money (maybe even a lot more money) than your current love interest. Some people may consider this one of the relationship deal breakers, but there is no need to call it quits before anything even happens.

It is an outdated idea for the man to have to make more money than the woman, but it should never matter that much either way. If someone has terrible credit or doesn’t have a savings account, you can still give them a chance. Credit scores change. Savings accounts grow. Nothing is forever.

5. Friendships are obstacles

Your friends love and care about you and your new love interest’s friends love and care about that person as well. Great! We all love our friends and we have all been in a similar situation of not approving of a new person in our friends’ lives.

If you think things are going well with you and this new person, try to ignore your friends for a minute or two. Ignoring your friends is not advice I would usually dole out, but in this situation it is best to let outside opinions take a bit of a backseat. Focus on what you think, feel, and need, and let your friends weigh in when you have more of a confident stance.

6. Music doesn’t matter

Music is great and really important to most of us. Music can touch us on all different levels and it can also be super personal. I listen to hip-hop music, yet I have never dated anyone else who really has. My current partner has an AC/DC album in his car and that music makes me feel cold, uncomfortable, and grouchy.

I would never judge anyone on their music tastes, and what it all boils down to is that music doesn’t have to be one of your relationship deal breakers. Having completely opposite music tastes can actually be really special. Think of that moment when the two of you connect over a song you both happen to love.

7. He/She doesn’t do social media

We all know the couples that seem to have the greatest day of their life, every single day. We all know the couples that carve pumpkins, and take adventurous trips, and spend their time in cute outfits sipping coffee and being in love. Sure, that’s super adorable and it fills us with a mixture of envy and adoration. If your new partner is not active on social media, you may miss out on some of the “Here is why I love you” posts, or the millions of tagged pictures of one another.

You know what, though? Social media is not for all of us. Some people just don’t care for putting their lives on one or two—or six!—social media sites. This is not the type of quality your relationship deal breakers list is crying out for—and it is also something that may eventually change!

8. He/She is too messy

I will admit that I am not the cleanest person in the world, though I will also admit that I like a neat home. I don’t make my bed after I get up in the morning, but I cannot go to sleep with dishes in the sink. Everyone has their personal preferences and judging someone on them is not going to help your relationship come to fruition.

Dating someone messier than you can be hard, but it is not a reason to not pursue the relationship. Messes happen and they can always be cleaned up.

9. He/She is not a good texter

I am obsessed with my phone, like many people my age. I do not like talking on the phone as much as I like texting a quick message back and forth. I am a busy person and I am usually doing ten things at once—talking on the phone slows my hyper-multitasking personality down far too much.

I have dated people who are not great at sending text messages throughout the day and it used to be one of my biggest relationship deal breakers—until I realized how silly that was. Text messages might be important to one person, but they are not important to everyone. Soak in your free time away from your new love interest and revel in the fact that, later, you’ll get to share everything in person at the end of your day.

10. His/Her family is different

Families are very important to most of us and without realizing it, we might be judging someone based on the family they come from. I met a guy in high school who told me he would “never ever” marry someone who had divorced parents because their family values could never align.

Even at a young age, I was very offended at that comment. My parents are divorced but I think my familial values are supreme. Everyone comes from something different and you should never judge someone based on their family. Breathe in and let yourself get to know a new kind of family—you may just learn something.

Final thoughts on relationship deal breakers

Sure, relationship deal breakers can be something important but they can also easily be silly. If you find yourself coming head to head with relationship issues, you might want to sit down and rethink what is truly important to you. Chances are it is not someone’s height or CD collection.