Personal time is a must for Parents

Life is strange. When a couple has a child, the focus of their life changes and many times just revolves around the child. And when the fledgling flies the nest there is a vacuum created in the life of parents. Practically it should not be like that. Having a child does not mean life and activities should grind to a halt.

It’s unhealthy to say the least.

A lady I know had a baby son after twelve years of being married. Being a mother transformed her. After several years when her son grew up and married she began to feel neglected and depressed as he now had little or no time for her.

Never let that happen, it is ok to have personal time for parents.

Be devoted parents, but keep your identity

Before the baby came along I am sure you as parents enjoyed activities like the theater, movies, trips and so on. After becoming parents you will lose the freedom you had before, but you should try to continue with your interests and friend circles. Develop activities outside work and parenting.

Set aside any guilty feelings you may have when the baby or child clings or cries when you go out alone. While you should not neglect the child you can request grandparents, friends, or siblings to babysit once in a while and take some time out. Indulge in activities that are close by so that you can return home quickly in case of emergency. The trick is to firmly decide “I will not worry, my little one is safe.” Decide the hour is for you. I used to worry about leaving my son home alone and was reluctant to go out anywhere, one day he turned around and said ‘Mommy, get a life.’ I was stunned but realized that I was erasing the “me” to be just “mommy.” Keep your identity; it is okay to have personal time for parents

Personal time means finding balance your life

Being a good parent is about balancing your life. We must learn from the birds and animals. They allow their young ones to explore, be independent and let them leave the nest. While protective instincts are high in parents (especially new ones), it’s important for parents and kids to learn to be separated. Begin with just short periods of half an hour and then once both you and the kids are comfortable the time can extend. Older kids could spend say a week or so with grandparents or uncles and aunts, where they could go camping and so on. You could plan a ‘couple’s holiday’ to the beach or any place that you fancy. This nurturing of independence is healthy and builds both trust and confidence in the family. It is negative and obsessive to keep kids tied to apron strings. However the love and trust built must be such that they can share anything with you and come to you for insights and help. Balance your life; it is okay to have personal time for parents.

The “me” should be as strong as the “we”

Ideal families are ones where the “me” is as strong as the “we.” Mothers and fathers should lead a life of their own too, have friends, pursue interests, and shape their lives. When this happens the family stays balanced and happy; confident and trusting. It is quite all right to have personal time for parents.