Coping With Grief

The death of someone you love is painful to say the least. Coping with grief is where the healing process begins and dealing with grief is a challenge like no other . In the case of death due to a prolonged illness, the passing away is actually a blessing for the patient yet, loved ones grieve. It’s a paradox which I have been through.

My mom was ill for some time and often tired of all the symptoms and pain. She often used to think about when she would be released from all the pain. She passed away suddenly and was not bedridden even for a day, all of us felt that God had answered her prayers.

On the personal front I had to deal with the dilemma of whether one should grieve for her when this was what she dearly wished for, at some level I felt like crying would be wrong as we were praying for her release.

Yet often waves of despair would hit me when least expected, tears would roll down my cheeks even two years after she had moved on. Recovering and coping with grief was difficult as it was an intense emotion.

I just could not deal with her death, at some level I did philosophize that the soul is eternal and our bodies just dust. Most of use experience loss in life and have different ways of coping with grief—there does not seem to be one formula. And it’s not just death that causes grief; it could be the loss of something, a broken heart, loss of wealth, natural disasters or even terrorism.

Embrace the Joys, Let Go the Regrets

Coping with grief is not simple, according to research it has five stages:

Denial,
Anger,
Bargaining,
Depression, and
Acceptance.

Everyone may or may not experience all five stages; it really depends on an individual’s strengths and nature. I personally think one needs to treasure the precious moments and let go any regrets one may have. Very often children are very busy living their own lives, often half way across the world and have little or no time for their parents. The longing disappointment and regrets are there, but they become less palpable with time and they can start coping with grief and try to put brave foot forward

Though after the death of a parent they begin to have regrets. By then it is too late. The responsibilities of being a child go far beyond sending money. One way of coping with grief is to create a scrap book of memories or if you are a writer to write a biography or incidents that make the relationship special.

Many generations ago whole clans gathered for funerals and last rites and in the melee of people and rituals one did not have time to be alone, depressed or even very sad. Even today psychiatrists ask those who are in grief cycles to take the help of loved ones or take the anchorage that religion/faith offers.

When confronted with death and grief it is important to purge the mind of incidents in life that are the cause of regret: fights, never saying you care, not doing enough and so on. Coping with grief should be taken as an unavoidable target and one should consistently work towards it.

Conclusion – Coping with Grief

There are many different ways that one can cope with grief. Some people take a trip or travel. Others create groups of loved ones and talk about the loss. In extreme cases people seek counseling and medical help.

A firm handshake, a hug or a pat on the back can be just the tonic for the weary soul. Coping with grief is also somewhat about responsibility and if you don’t embrace the process—despite the pain and anguish—the healing and transitioning of a new normal will never occur.

There are times when one partner dies and the other never recovers from the death or separation, often the remaining partner becomes ill, remains in bed, and wastes away.

There are cases where family members or friends have become suicidal, unable to overcome their grief.

Doctors explain that symptoms of grief include: shock, sadness, extreme guilt, symptoms like fever, anxiety and stress. Although there are support systems, the crux of the matter is that you need to learn to overcome grief and move on in life.

Mourning a loss should not mean neglecting everyday responsibilities either to yourself or to your family. So, coping with grief has to be taken care of and you must see to it that the mental trauma never surfaces again.